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Jessica Bern
  • Female
  • Los Angeles, CA
  • United States
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Latest Activity

Jessica Bern added a blog post
Define "Bad"? The other day, Phoebe and I went to Griffith Park where I dragged her ass up and down the entire mountainside we'd gone for a nice little hike. When we were finished, we stopped at a quaint little restaurant for some lunch. At a near…
March 30
Jessica Bern added a blog post
Yesterday, I was thinking I've ruined my life of maybe giving up acting. The problem is my work history is such that I don't have one tend to get discouraged that anyone out there would ever hire me. Nevertheless, I've put together a rough draft of…
February 22
Ryan Ashley Scott commented on Jessica Bern's blog post 'Let's See...How Do I Put This'
I love a good toilet/penis story, and that one is fantastic. Thanks for the laughs.
February 4
Jacki Schklar commented on Jessica Bern's blog post 'AN Interview With My C**kblock...I mean, Car'
Parking IS hard!
January 30
Jessica Bern added a blog post
MY CAR: Before you say anything at all, I would like you to please stop calling me a “c**kblocker”. The reason you can’t get “any’ has nothing to do with the fact that I am a sedan and everything to do with your new haircut. JESSICA: That was a lo…
January 30
Pearl commented on Jessica Bern's blog post 'SORRY, MY FRIEND, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU'
Isn't there a condom co-op somewhere?
January 30
Pearl commented on Jessica Bern's blog post 'Let's See...How Do I Put This'
Oh, too funny! Pearl p.s. I don't have a penis, either. And I'm okay with that.
January 30
KiKi Walter left a comment for Jessica Bern
January 30

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 1:22pm on January 30, 2009, KiKi Walter said…
Love your work, Jessica!!!
At 1:09am on January 30, 2009, Anna Lefler said…
Hey, Jessica... So glad to see you here! I love the stuff you've put up - hilarious! Talk soon... XO Anna
At 7:44pm on January 26, 2009, Tomboys in Fishnets said…
Hey Jessica did you get my email response? I'm wondering if it could have ended up in your spam box.

Cheers!

Edie

Profile Information

What kind of funny chick are you:
Writer
About Me:
I am the creator/producer of a new web series called "Bernthis.com" about a neurotic woman's journey through her weekly visits to her therapist's office.
Website:
http://bernthis.com

Jessica Bern's Blog

Jessica Bern

DEFINE "BAD"

Define "Bad"?

The other day, Phoebe and I went to Griffith Park where I dragged her ass up and down the entire mountainside we'd gone for a nice little hike.

When we were finished, we stopped at a quaint little restaurant for some lunch. At a nearby table, several moms were sitting, eating with their kids and par for the course and against their will, I did my best to make these women talk to me. School seemed to be the topic of the moment, when one woman said:

WOMAN: She put her kid i… Continue

Posted on March 30, 2009 at 10:21pm —

Jessica Bern

Looking at my Options...I'm Not Sure I Have Any

Yesterday, I was thinking I've ruined my life of maybe giving up acting. The problem is my work history is such that I don't have one tend to get discouraged that anyone out there would ever hire me. Nevertheless, I've put together a rough draft of my non-acting resume and would appreciate any feedback you might have as to how I might improve my chances for future employment.

CHILDCARE-babysitter September 8 (6pm) - September 8 (12am)

I put the brat to bed, started coughing and c… Continue

Posted on February 22, 2009 at 6:30pm —

Jessica Bern

AN Interview With My C**kblock...I mean, Car

MY CAR: Before you say anything at all, I would like you to please stop calling me a “c**kblocker”. The reason you can’t get “any’ has nothing to do with the fact that I am a sedan and everything to do with your new haircut.


JESSICA: That was a low blow


MY CAR: You’re calling me a c**kblocker to anyone that will look at you. Every time you valet me, you beg the guy to park me in a bad area and “accidentally” leave the keys in the ignition and you’re telling ME that’s a low blow?!


JESSICA:… Continue

Posted on January 30, 2009 at 3:25pm — 1 Comment

Jessica Bern

SORRY, MY FRIEND, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU

I was on the phone last night with a guy friend of mine. He is in the midst of a divorce, FAITHFUL, I might add for a long 12 years but has now decided it's time for him to date again or as he so touchingly put it, "I gotta get laid or I'm going to snap." He was calling me from a drugstore. Apparently, he has a very hot date coming up this weekend and was confused about what condoms to buy. Having only been with one woman for so long, this was a purchase he hasn't had to make for quite some time… Continue

Posted on January 14, 2009 at 5:00pm — 2 Comments

Jessica Bern

Let's See...How Do I Put This

I was in NYC for a week with Phoebe. Being a child from L.A., she wanted to take a taxi everywhere. Being an adult who spent her childhood in NYC, I told her to suck it up and walk.

She quickly adapted to the situation and as a small bribe thank you, I decided to buy her a treat. We were passing by this one upscale French style restaurant/cafe and the desserts in the window looked amazing so in we walked.

For a change, I was the one who needed to go potty and before we sat down, I took… Continue

Posted on January 10, 2009 at 11:59pm — 2 Comments

 
 

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