Blogs - Funny not Slutty Network

Eighth Day of Flat Broke Christmas: Tools

Excerpt from The Flat Broke Blog: (http://flatbrokeblog.wordpress.com) Sit down and count how many times something in your home, car, workplace, hen-house — whatever — has broken. Don’t forget to count how many times you wanted to mount a new picture on the wall. You don’t need to be Bob Vila to need some basic tools. Sure, you won’t need as many as Bob Vila, but you can’t call for or wait on a handyman or handywoman every time you need to assem… Continue

Added by Flat Broke Diva on November 21, 2009 at 2:41pm — No Comments

Do not try this at home. Ugh.

Continue

Added by Heidi Alger on November 21, 2009 at 11:04am — No Comments

Seventh Day of Flat Broke Christmas: Cheap and fun board games!

Excerpt from The Flat Broke Blog: (http://flatbrokeblog.wordpress.com) When people cut their budgets, one of the first items to be scrapped is entertainment. Who is going to pay $10 per person every weekend to go to the movies when they’re having to cut the food budget? But there are ways to stay amused without major costs — for gift givers and receivers. Board games used to be the “lame” thing teenagers dreaded to play on “family fun nights” w… Continue

Added by Flat Broke Diva on November 20, 2009 at 5:32pm — No Comments

Sixth Day of Flat Broke Christmas: Warm, cozy things

Excerpt from The Flat Broke Blog: (http://flatbrokeblog.wordpress.com) The weather outside is frightful during the holiday season. Anything your gift recipient could have to stay warm would be so delightful. Anything warm and cozy is highly desirable in December and January — anywhere. I used to live in Florida, and yes, we did have 80-degree days in January sometimes. But one winter was cold enough for a coat even there. Have you ever felt the… Continue

Added by Flat Broke Diva on November 19, 2009 at 11:42am — No Comments

Fifth Day of Flat Broke Christmas: Assistant for the Day!

Excerpt from The Flat Broke Blog: http://flatbrokeblog.wordpress.com But for one day, you can be the personal assistant for someone you love. You can give that special person in your life the Hollywood treatment and without having to worry about a Bengal Tiger eating you. Here’s the best part: This gift would probably cost you very, very little money. It may even be FREE. Continue

Added by Flat Broke Diva on November 18, 2009 at 12:13pm — No Comments

Fourth Day of Flat Broke Christmas: Gas cards

(From http://flatbrokeblog.wordpress.com) Excerpt: That special someone in your life may drive a dual-wheeled one-ton pickup truck with an exhaust system that wakes the dead. Or maybe he/she darts around in a tiny hybrid compact car that the truck could crush in two seconds. Any potential gift recipient who owns a vehicle — no matter what it is — need gas. This is especially true for people who have multiple cars, drive gas hogs or have recreati… Continue

Added by Flat Broke Diva on November 17, 2009 at 6:57am — No Comments

A few lists

When my life seems to be moving I make lists, usually on scraps of paper and sometimes in journals. From as basic as the grocery list to my long term life goals- I try to complete what is on my list. I once made a list on what I wanted in a guy, it started out the basics- intelligent, employed, kind and then became three pages long with specifics like: tells hostess "table for two" yet not controlling, will get up at baseball game to get snacks, that list may have gone too far. So here goes my f… Continue

Added by Vicki Ferentinos on November 15, 2009 at 10:30am — No Comments

A Few Years Before Straight Edge

I was in NYC last night and performed a wee bit (Scotland flashback) and then saw some friends at a bar next door. Here is the thing I always feel embarrassed to say it and try to change this statement on occasion but for the most part (duh duh duh) I don't drink. I know I always feel the urge to make excuses for it like, I am really bad at it, long day, not tonight. But the truth is I have had about three drinks this year and did not finish any of them. On occasion I convince myself well maybe… Continue

Added by Vicki Ferentinos on November 15, 2009 at 10:28am — 1 Comment

Attack of the 50-Foot Woman

Does This Store Make Me Look Fat? Steve Martin had a stand-up bit in which he'd tell the audience he was going to do his impression of the Incredible Shrinking Man. He'd ask the audience to close their eyes for a moment, and when they opened them, he'd have raised the microphone several feet. This is the opposite of my experience at Whole Foods. Do you have Whole Foods in your town? They can be identified by their Euro-woodsy exterior, heaps of local weeklies toppling in the doo… Continue

Added by Anna Lefler on November 15, 2009 at 1:55am — No Comments

One of my worst fears is coming to fruition

The hands of the clock will slip quickly around, mocking me and myselfish wish that time stand still. Or if not stand still, move even more quickly, bringing a swift end to my forthcoming terror. I will nervously scrub the kitchen counters, terrified to walk into the living room, worried that if I get to close to the front door they'll see me, ask if they can come in, invade my home. I will anxiously rehearse what I will say if they speak to me, how I'll react once their eyes meet mine. My heart… Continue

Added by Amanda Austin on November 15, 2009 at 12:30am — No Comments

The Gym: Part One

Leslie has been given a free week-long guest pass to one of Manhattan's swankiest gyms. She has never been a member of any fitness establisment nor does she usually work out. Let's see what happens... I am amazed at the education I am receiving in the women's locker room. Apparently, there are a lot of unspoken rules: asking for someone else's preferred locker number? Not okay. Standing in front of the wall mirror with one leg perched on the counter while you apply baby oil and give ever… Continue

Added by Leslie Goshko on November 14, 2009 at 10:52pm — No Comments

Holiday Greetings

Dear Uncle Frank, ~~I’M FREE!!!~~ It was so nice to have you and ~~the spawn of Satan~~ the twins come to the house for Thanksgiving. The twins are ~~obviously in need of heavy medication~~ getting so big! Please tell Aunt Ruth that her candied yams ~~gave me the runs~~ were a wonderful addition to our Thanksgiving feast. I can’t believe they weren’t ~~carcinogenic~~ store bought! Things are ~~dysfunctional~~ good here, as usual. The kids are ~~going to give me a stroke~~… Continue

Added by Leslie Goshko on November 14, 2009 at 10:50pm — No Comments

I Kissed A Squirrel

Q: Who sings this song about yard rats? "I kissed a squirrel. And I liked it..." A: Ozzy Osborn or U2? Al Willen Via Twitter A: I think it was a NASCAR driver named Harlow Hammerhead (or something like that) who made the original recording of "I Squished a Squirrel and I Liked IT!" It was a big country hit recorded by Two-Lane Blacktop Records. Count Sneaky A: Is it Katy Bushytail, lol...! The Saint via Yahoo! Answers

… Continue

Added by Ginae B. McDonald on November 13, 2009 at 7:13pm — No Comments

Short Pants

Q: Is there a Nation-wide agenda for senior citizens wearing short pants that were clearly long pants, long ago? A: Well, it could be like my dad who refuses to hem his pants that are 2" too long, so he just rolls them up. He looks like someone from HEE HAW. Kimberly Oakes via Facebook Continue

Added by Ginae B. McDonald on November 13, 2009 at 7:12pm — No Comments

Take Two of These and Call Me in the Morning

I was feeling rather puny with a sore throat and possible fever. I grabbed a thermometer lying on the counter and stuck it right in my mouth. I immediately noticed an awful taste and realized I had forgotten to use a plastic thermometer cover. “That tasted like ass,” I remarked. Brantley was standing nearby and hadn’t been paying any attention. “What are you talking about?” he asked. “The thermometer,” I told him. “Oh, sorry I left it laying out. I took Luke’s temperature earlier. I know it’s… Continue

Added by Lori Wescott on November 12, 2009 at 8:24pm — No Comments

The Seven Year Itch...and no I don't mean crabs.

“I moved all my stuff into the guest bathroom,” Brantley (husband) mentioned in passing. “Excuse me?” I asked. “What’s the meaning of this?” “You take up too much room. I want my own space.” Our master bathroom houses a double sink with a large vanity and from time to time, my things may, sort of, somewhat, encroach (slightly) onto his side of the counter. So what? It’s part of being married. “This is absolutely unacceptable. We’re approaching our seven year itch. You can’t bathroom divorce m… Continue

Added by Lori Wescott on November 12, 2009 at 8:19pm — No Comments

The Werewolf and the Gynecologist..a love story

I started sleeping with this new guy I had been seeing for about 2 months. The sex was Dynamite except for one thing, his penis was bent to the left. I nicknamed it Captain Hook. Apparently upon insertion it would create a weird angle and my ummmm “area” became irritated. I made myself an appointment at the Gynecologist to see if anything else was Eschew besides my new lover’s member. The night before my doctors visit was scheduled I had a dinner date with my dad. He is a tiny man, 5’5, whit… Continue

Added by Nimi DiLorenzo on November 10, 2009 at 2:00am — 3 Comments

Anything Goes At Red Lobster

After spending time in the hospital recently my sister decided she wanted to go out for a nice meal as soon as she felt up to it. She likes seafood so we chose Red Lobster as our destination for the evening. There were four of us seated at a small table and my sister and I were seated next to one another. We still had a slight case of the giggles from earlier in the day when we had been making fun of her doctor who had a very bad bedside manner. We had placed our drink orders and were perusing… Continue

Added by MA Fat Woman on November 9, 2009 at 1:47am — No Comments

Which Lust Target Are You?

Women spend so much time reading "Cosmo" articles on how to size up men, but our ideas of how men categorize us are usually less understood. Probably because "Cosmo" and such are written by women (or a fairly close semblance) who are unaware of the sort of pigeon-holing women pass when dating actual men. It's often said that guys divide women into madonnas and whores, but it's actually a little more complicated than that. (Not much more complicated: we're talking about men, here.) Guys quickly… Continue

Added by Cammy May Hunnicutt on November 8, 2009 at 7:00pm — No Comments

Vectors and Vermin

I spent the weekend in a hell dimension where fire and rain live simultaneously in freakish harmony and where vectors enjoy eating you and vermin stop by during breakfast to steal your bagel. What horrid place on earth is this you ask? CAMPING!!! Hus and I have always said we are not "camping type people". We prefer to either rent a cottage or small apartment at the ocean for our annual vacation. Set up is minimal when we first arrive and clean up is also not much when we leave. Which leaves th… Continue

Added by Heidi Lipka on November 8, 2009 at 3:43pm — No Comments

< Previous Post

All Blog Posts (190)