Not The Rockefellers's Blog (6)

First impressions...I think I've spent the majority of my life trying to overcome them. I am just a girl who is constantly trying to redeem herself, because... the first time ever I saw your face I may have: a) lost my power of speech b) lost my ability to stand upright or c) spit on you. It is no secret to my friends, or should I call them handlers, that I am an utter and complete church mouse at parties. I spend too much time observing and not enough time participating in conversation. You… Continue

Evy was my partner in crime. Both of us separately one would consider to be a handful, the two of us together? Hell in a bucket. Evy was the embodiment of laughter, salsa, and the Nilla wafer banana pudding recipe from the back of the box. No substitutes. And gut bombs. Yes, gut bombs. Evy had an uncanny knack of developing intestinal distress miles away from the nearest facilities. This would send us into panic mode as we ( she ) were sitting on a ticking time bomb. If we were in the mall… Continue

Are there some people in your life that are damned near impossible to talk to? The Monosyllabics who act as if they are being cross examined, Every Magic 8 Ball response is accompanied by an eye roll or a skeptical look. Every draw of breath whispers "Eff Off" The Squealers who hog call with glee at every piece of good news. 75% off at Kohl's Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeett! The Everything My Kid Does Should Be Embroidered On A Pillow who have no problem talking about their child's developin… Continue

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 I have been an abusive daughter. I have treated my mother just terribly. I don't give her anything to drink or eat, I don't give a shit if she's crawling with infestation or even clean. I couldn't care less. It should be pointed out, that before you dial social services, I am talking about Mother Earth. And since I don't normally walk around saying Mother Earth, lest I get the "Oh God 360" eye roll, today, in this post, I am calling my yard, Mother. Ya dig ? Fortuna… Continue

Wednesday, May 13, 2009 I swear, I used to think one of the reasons I was put on this earth was to confound temp agencies. "No job to small for me to screw up" ( you can insert a stronger verb. That's what's on my business cards) Sit back and enjoy the show: We have a 2 day position open at an educational supplier. It is assembly line work. You just pack orders and get them ready to be shipped. What do you say? Are you interested? To be honest, it didn't sound interesting, it sounded borin… Continue

I get no kicks from champagne flutes,and flatware bores me terrifically, too... Sad, but, true Practically everything gift ware leaves me totally cold The only exception I know is when I suddenly turn and see... Bridezilla. Most people would flee but, for me, it meant showtime. More than a decade ago I worked in the bridal registry department of a housewares store. I think it was then and there that I developed my acting chops. If there were awards for feigning interest in things like cre… Continue