Where the FUNNY CHICKS are at.

Attending Social Functions: Men & Women Have Slightly Different Approaches

This weekend, we had a number of social functions to attend, and I was painfully reminded that when it comes to attending parties, men and women have very different approaches. Following is an accounting of how my husband and I typically prepare for various parties. I'm wondering if it follows the typical pattern of behavior at your house.

3 WEEKS IN ADVANCE OF PARTY

ME: Receive invite for party (Let’s say it’s the Smith’s housewarming Saturday, June 20th at 7:00 p.m. Dress is casual). Check with husband to make sure he would like to attend and that there are no business or other conflicts on his calendar. RSVP and ask hostess what I can bring. Note date and time on the calendar and place an “appointment” on my husband’s computer calendar.

HUSBAND: Says, “Of course I’d like to go to the Smith’s party! Let’s plan on it.”

2 WEEKS IN ADVANCE OF PARTY

ME: Spend countless hours browsing a multitude of shops looking for just the right housewarming gift and card. Procure them and show husband at dinner that night, “Saying look what I got for the Smiths!”

HUSBAND: “What’s that for?” I remind him of the Smiths’ housewarming party on Saturday the 20th. At 7:00. “Oh. You bring a gift to those things?” he asks.

TWO DAYS IN ADVANCE OF PARTY

ME: I will shop for the ingredients of the dish I volunteered to bring to the party.

HUSBAND: “Say what are we going to do this weekend?” I remind him of the Smith’s party Saturday. At 7:00. Dress is casual.

THE DAY BEFORE THE PARTY:

ME: I am busily baking the 48 cupcakes I volunteered to bring to the party.

HUSBAND: “What’s all this for?” I remind him of the party the next day. At 7:00. Dress is casual. Tell him he might want to start thinking about what he wants to wear.

THE MORNING OF THE PARTY:

ME: I wrap the gift and print out Mapquest directions to the Smiths’ house.

HUSBAND: “I’m going to go to the gym and then run over to the hardware store.” I say OK and remind him of the Smiths’ party and that we’ll need to leave by 6:40 at the very latest. I suggest that he have in mind what he’s going to wear, reminding him dress is casual.

5:15 PM:

ME: On my way to the shower, I say to my really filthy husband who is puttering around the yard, “I’m going to jump in the shower. Remember we need to leave by 6:40 at the latest.”

HUSBAND: (In a slighty put-off tone:) “Yes, I am well aware we need to go then!”

6:15 PM:

ME: I tell Things One & Two what they can have for dinner and where and how they can reach us, place the present, card, and directions by my purse and begin carrying the boxed cupcakes out to the car as I, beginning to sound a little put-off myself, call out to my husband, “Remember, we need to leave in 25 minutes!”

HUSBAND: “I know. I know. Remember, you are talking to the world’s fastest get-readyer.”

6:30 PM:

ME: I am pacing the floor, totally dressed, with the car packed and consumed with gratitude that I do not own a gun.

HUSBAND: Gets in the shower.

6:40 PM:

ME: I take a headache powder.

HUSBAND: Shouts down, “What am I supposed to wear to this thing?” I then stomp upstairs and angrily pull out a suitable outfit from his closet.

6:50 PM:

ME: Fighting every urge not to get in the car and leave without him.

HUSBAND: Shaves.

7:00 PM:

ME: I shout up, “Aren’t you ready yet?!”

HUSBAND: “Relax! Remember, I am the world’s fastest get-readyer!”

7:10 PM:

Silent ride to the party, making one wrong turn after the other as husband refuses to follow Mapquest directions.

7:45 PM:

We arrive at the party, and I am seething as I push my way through the crowd to try and find a place to plunk down my cupcakes. My husband is all smiles as he shakes hands with everyone and loudly tells the hostess, “Sorry we’re late. She didn’t tell me what time this thing started and then she took forever to get ready.” He thinks this is amusing. I wonder if Bob’s Gun, Tackle & Taser Shop is open on Sundays.