Where the FUNNY CHICKS are at.
Donating My Body to Science
Fresh out of college, I moved from liberal-college-town-USA to downtown Chicago. This was before the sketchy Walgreens on Clark and Division turned into an Anthropologie, and when I lived atop a crackhouse—but I leave that story for another day.
As a responsible 22-year-old female, I made an appointment to get my annual pap at my friendly neighborhood Planned Parenthood clinic. Donning my paper wrap-dress (flattering on any figure), a friendly middle-aged appropriately Gloria Steinem-esque doctor greeted me in the examining room. When she asked if I’d mind a medical student assisting in my examination, I proudly consented. Sure, I reasoned, I shall sacrifice my pride in an effort to educate the future physicians of America on patient-empowered-vagina-protocol.
In walked the student. Now I present the “claiming my insular bias” portion of today’s post. I expected someone approximating:
Her
Or Her
or I suppose Her
I wouldn’t have batted an eye at any matter of confident young female physicians in training .
Instead, feet-in-stirrups, I met the gaze of an intern more resembling
Him
(Only he wore scrubs and didn’t squat in tippy-toe-tae-bo-warrior pose). He was very built, good looking, and a black male. More notably, he made one very nervous medical student.
The examination went something like this:
Doctor: Here is the right ovary. Can you feel it?
Med student: (quick prod) Uh-huh.
Doctor: Nope. Its over there.
Med student: (poke) Got it.
Doctor: Are you sure? Because I think its further up. Why don’t you try again.
I’ve disassociated by now and view the scenario out-of-body, hovering from above. I observe myself making occasional eye contact and half-smiling, while humming “My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean” to myself. Wait…I think the humming is silently to myself. I can hear my musical attempt to express my pseudo-comfort in this scenario, but I don’t think the others can hear. Wait! The med student seems to tap his toe to the rhythm bring back, bring back, please bring back my bonny to me to me. Perhaps that’s due to his nerves…
Med Student: Uh…?
Doctor: Notice her uterus’ slight tilt upwards?
Med Student: Yes.
Doctor: Nope that’s her ovary.
DAMN! (med student’s and my inner dialogue exclaim together in unison)
And on and on and on for what seemed like many many excruciating minutes. I hope the nervous med student turned into a confident doctor. He probably went on to deliver many a baby by this time, as have I. Actually, only two for me. Next time I donate my body to science, however,I think I’ll wait until I’m an organ donor.
As a responsible 22-year-old female, I made an appointment to get my annual pap at my friendly neighborhood Planned Parenthood clinic. Donning my paper wrap-dress (flattering on any figure), a friendly middle-aged appropriately Gloria Steinem-esque doctor greeted me in the examining room. When she asked if I’d mind a medical student assisting in my examination, I proudly consented. Sure, I reasoned, I shall sacrifice my pride in an effort to educate the future physicians of America on patient-empowered-vagina-protocol.
In walked the student. Now I present the “claiming my insular bias” portion of today’s post. I expected someone approximating:
Her
Or Her
or I suppose Her
I wouldn’t have batted an eye at any matter of confident young female physicians in training .
Instead, feet-in-stirrups, I met the gaze of an intern more resembling
Him
(Only he wore scrubs and didn’t squat in tippy-toe-tae-bo-warrior pose). He was very built, good looking, and a black male. More notably, he made one very nervous medical student.
The examination went something like this:
Doctor: Here is the right ovary. Can you feel it?
Med student: (quick prod) Uh-huh.
Doctor: Nope. Its over there.
Med student: (poke) Got it.
Doctor: Are you sure? Because I think its further up. Why don’t you try again.
I’ve disassociated by now and view the scenario out-of-body, hovering from above. I observe myself making occasional eye contact and half-smiling, while humming “My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean” to myself. Wait…I think the humming is silently to myself. I can hear my musical attempt to express my pseudo-comfort in this scenario, but I don’t think the others can hear. Wait! The med student seems to tap his toe to the rhythm bring back, bring back, please bring back my bonny to me to me. Perhaps that’s due to his nerves…
Med Student: Uh…?
Doctor: Notice her uterus’ slight tilt upwards?
Med Student: Yes.
Doctor: Nope that’s her ovary.
DAMN! (med student’s and my inner dialogue exclaim together in unison)
And on and on and on for what seemed like many many excruciating minutes. I hope the nervous med student turned into a confident doctor. He probably went on to deliver many a baby by this time, as have I. Actually, only two for me. Next time I donate my body to science, however,I think I’ll wait until I’m an organ donor.
Comment
-
Comment by Heather Keeler on November 16, 2009 at 3:30pm - Hilarious! Love your writing style. Let me know if you are up for a writing project. Email me back at corbettheather@yahoo.com. H
About
Badge
© 2009 Created by Jacki Schklar on Ning. Create a Ning Network!
You need to be a member of Funny not Slutty Network to add comments!
Join this Ning Network